Sex Part Four: Leftovers

Leftovers.

Most people keep them around, but would rather not have them for dinner. Sometimes they aren't so good reheated. Sometimes they stink up the whole fridge.

This is the way your past sex life can be.

It can stink things up.

It can make a mess. Especially if it is mixed in with your current sex life.

Memories of the past are a reality. Our past impacts and changes us. It shapes us.

It can help, but it can also hinder us.
If you are struggling in your current sex life, it might be time to revisit the past. I don't mean remember a good experience with an ex to daydream. That would likely be harmful. I mean to ponder the past to see if you are using your past to judge the present or if the past experiences has been negatively impacting your view of sex.

Has it made you leery of things now?

Maybe a past partner made a negative comment.

Maybe things went badly.

Maybe a partner from the past took advantage and you now feel uncomfortable.

Maybe the person said you were too aggressive.

Whatever it is, process the thoughts you have about it and how they impact your feelings. Remember, if you change your thoughts, your feelings change too.

Maybe this new partner is trustworthy. Maybe you can learn to relax and enjoy it.

Hmm.. Are you thinking this does'nt apply to you? Maybe you saved yourself for marriage. Great! But, that doesn't mean your past has no impact on your sexual activities now.

In actuality, everything you have ever heard or taught about sex, everything you have seen regarding sex and everything you hoped and feared regarding sex spills in on your current sex life.

Yes, you too have leftovers.

Regardless of what it is that makes up your leftovers, you need to clean them up.

You also should consider sharing the impact of your past on your thoughts and concerns. I don't mean to share details. They don't need to know and they certainly don't need to hear comparisons.

But, Maybe this partner would be willing to do things differently if they knew it would help.

Maybe they need to know your reactions or actions aren't because of something they said or did.

It was the leftovers.

Some leftovers should be thrown away.

Sometimes old memories are just that- old. Maybe it's time to clean out the fridge.