The Truth Is...

You make me so mad!

Aw, that makes me sad.

I'll make you sorry.

Um, nope.

No one can make someone feel a feeling. Yes, really. Contrary to popular discussion and phraseology, no one can make you feel and emotion.

This includes happy.

Emotions come from thoughts we allow ourselves to focus on and things we believe. As our thoughts go, so go our emotions. If we change our thoughts, our emotions will follow.

Movies use this truth all the time. At one point the audience may hate a character and be ready to nearly throw their ten dollar popcorn... till the heart of that character is revealed, then the villan becomes a hero.

It happens that fast.

It's like when a husband comes home late to an angry wife who found a receipt for a diamond ring and airline tickets... She is mad till he shares his surprise- a wedding vow renewal trip to Hawaii where she always dreamed of going.

See how that works?

We make ourselves mad.We make ourselves mad, sad, bored, happy, whatever... it's all us.

If we reframe our circumstances or choose to think differently, our feelings will follow.

Not only is it impossible for someone to make you feel a certain way, it is placing blame on the other for something they can't control. It puts the other person on the defensive and it harms communication.

So, next time you are angry realize you control it. Instead of saying, "Oh, you make me so mad!", realize the truth is more like, "Hm, I am allowing myself to get angry based on my thoughts... maybe I should reevaluate them."

The truth makes for a lot more humility and can diffuse an argument.

So, go find some happy thoughts and enjoy your ten dollar movie popcorn!