A large majority of my clients have come to my office because of fear and anxiety. Though there seems to be an almost endless array of things that one could be afraid of I think there are basically two kinds. Fears that show wisdom and anxiety that hinders living.
When I work with a client dealing with fear and anxiety I most often talk about lions. Lions? Yes, and zebras. You see, if you were a zebra you'd probably be hanging out around a nice watering hole. The nice breeze wafting by and warm sun soothing you. But, if you heard a stick break everything suddenly would change. You freeze as the muscles in your body clench. Your heart races. You suddenly count the number of things it could be and scan the horizon for any of those preparing to flee and fast! All of this is wise. All of this is normal because what broke the stick could be a lion.
The zebra's mind and body reacted as it should because there was a potential for true harm. In the face of oncoming danger they fight flee or freeze. Zebras should fear lions. However; unless you are going on safari or live in Africa, you should not need to. If you live in fear of lions, but live in Portland, Maine thinking and acting like the zebra hinders you instead of safeguarding you.
Let's put it another way. If you were driving down the street and there was a Mack truck on your side of the road, you should be afraid. All of your muscles should react in preparation. You should feel adrenaline. You'd better search for options and choose one that protects you from harm. This is healthy and normal.
The problem comes when you feel all of these same feelings, but there is no Mack truck. Without such it is called a panic attack. In my book, this is not really fear, but anxiety. When you live like there is a lion at your door or a "what if" just around the corner, this hinders living and your health.
Sometimes this anxiety can and should be medicated. Sometimes this anxiety is due to a chemical imbalance. For example, I often suggest clients have their thyroid tested just in case they are feeling anxiety due to thyroid issues. Other times, anxiety is a battle of the mind and needs to be fought with thought.
Thoughts trigger feelings and feelings trigger action. Let me note this again as I feel it is foundational.
Thoughts trigger feelings and feelings trigger action.
I say this in sessions all the time because if you allow a fearful thought to linger in your mind long enough it changes how you feel. Then, sooner or later you will act on your feelings physically, either within your body or outside of it. The longer you continue in those thoughts, the stronger your feelings will last and the longer more frequently you will react or act out.
For example, I have what I like to call a very healthy respect for sharks. In other words, I am afraid of sharks. Come on now, I know I am not alone here. Many of you start feeling your heart speed up just hearing it... "Dun dun. Dun dun. Dun..."
This fear of sharks makes no difference to me more than ninety percent of the time because I don't live near the ocean and I don't work at an aquarium. On the occasion that I do end up with the blessing of wading in the ocean; however, the back of my mind wanders right over to scenes from the movie Jaws or that one episode of Shark Week I regret watching. If I let it stay there I will start to feel my heart speed up. My breathing will change. I will start scanning the water as if I have shark radar and I will consider the fastest way out of the water!
If I am in the same water, but instead purposely pay attention to the waves, the sounds and focus on enjoying the ocean I won't have any of those reactions. I will remain in the water peacefully and that's a good thing especially because, as I understand it, sharks love it when you panic.
The key then is to change the thoughts. If only it were that easy you say. Well, technically it is, but in practice it is very hard. It takes work, persistence and practice. It is easy to let your brain follow the same line of thought it always has. It does what it has been trained to do like a horse drawn carriage with well worn divots to follow along. It takes choices and hard work to train or reprogram it otherwise.
The key is in the reprogramming.
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