Sex Part Five: Fasting

Fasting.

Fasting or purposely going without food isn't generally something we get excited about. Some fast food for religious reasons. Some for medical reasons.

With regard to sex, fasting may be for the same reasons.

Purposely going without sex for any amount of time can cause stress in a relationship. Usually in marriage, this is an unwanted change for one or both partners.

There are spiritual reasons to refrain from having sex for some time. Other times fasting is due to emotional struggles impacting the desire for intimacy. But, maybe most often, sexual fasting is done because of medical reasons.

I will not go into details here about religious fasting. You can research that elsewhere. However, I will note that partners need to do so respectfully. Such a fast should be discussed and be purposeful.

Emotional struggles hinder intimacy and at times, lead to sexual fasting. When a couple is having issues communicating or is struggling with life stressors or loss of trust they might choose to refrain from sex until such problems are resolved. Such fasting can be healthy and appropriate.

I might encourage respectful sexual fasting if trust has been broken after an affair or if a spouse is struggling with pornography. Both of these can blow a hole in trust and since trust is necessary for healthy sex, a fast is appropriate until the issues are resolved.

I would also expect a possible fast while a couple is in a transition after a great loss. In this case, the problem isn't sex, but the loss may be so great as to override any sexual desire for some time until appropriate mourning is complete.

The most frequent trigger for fasting might be physical issues. This would be anything from a yeast infection to cancer, a heart attack to erectile dysfunction. Any such health condition hinders sex and triggers a sexual fast.

The reaction of the healthy partner regarding the fast would vary based on the health issue and it's duration. If the issue is small and short lived, it might not even be much of a problem. If the health issue is quite large it may overshadow the desire for sex.

What I would suggest, no matter what the health problem.

No matter the emotional struggle.

And no matter what the spiritual reasons (except perhaps an affair), intimacy should not be neglected.

No matter what you and you partner or spouse are going through, what keeps you close is not the sex, but the intimacy.

Intimacy is the foundation. Don't fast that!

Openness is also important. Share how you feel about the fast. Do so gently and respectfully. Watch out for selfishness remembering that sex is a gift to be given and not a right to demand. The partner has every right to withhold sex for any reason.

The hope with any fast is that it ends, that it ends better than it began. If the couple can remain intimate, loving and respectful, it should.

May your fasts be few and may you break-fast well.