Sex Part One: Popcorn or Tenderloin

Yep, I thought that would get your attention.

I see couples for counseling. They don't often bring up sex right away, but many couples harbor sexual struggles.

This doesn't necessarily mean they don't have sex, but maybe it's just not what it had been or maybe never has been what they hoped it would be.

What are the most prevalent struggles? Well, here are a few of the top chapter titles for my not yet written book on sex.

1. Popcorn or tenderloin.
2. Take Out.
3. Sushi or meant & potatoes.
4. Leftovers.
5. Fasting.
6. Fluffernutter.

The titles are for fun, but they represent real struggles. None of these struggles necessarily make sexual intercourse impossible. They do; however, hinder intimacy.

Let's start with number one for today as it is probably the biggest struggle I hear about in sessions because most of the time, it's true.

Popcorn or Tenderloin.

Basically, men generally orgasm faster than women.

(Oh, my. Did I just write orgasm in a blog? Yep. The word is hardly said by clients, but let's face it, it is the hope, right?)

Anyway...

Yes, generally men orgasm faster than women. This is why people comment that men are like microwaves and women are like slow cookers. In a way it's true. And, if you want a popcorn snack a microwave and a quickie might do. If you want the tenderloin dinner or the real thing with all the fixings, it takes time.

Orgasm for a woman often takes time.

The fact that men can often orgasm more quickly is great if the female partner wants her partner to "get it over with", but it's not good if both partners want to orgasm. If that is the goal, time is of the essence.

As is timing.

A great majority of a trigger for orgasm is in the mind, especially for women. Therefore, this is the place to start, and to start early.

Men, if you want to satisfy your female partner let her know ahead of time. Be suggestive. Drop hints. Start foreplay early.

Women, if you want to be satisfied, start thinking about intimacy beforehand and keep it in at least the back if your mind.

Someone needs to start the slow cooker because you can't microwave tenderlion. Sometimes a slow cooker can be turned on high, but often women and slow cookers work better with a slow simmer.

If intimacy can be in the back if a woman's mind all day, it's likely turning up the heat later will more likely work well.

The second part of this is foreplay.

It's the appetizer.

It's the engine reving.

It's the beginning of the slow simmer.

It's essential.

Even if a "quickie" is the goal it's unlikely a successful one happens without forthought and foreplay.

Hold hands. Call or text a hint. Hug. Bring up an old memory of successful interactions.

This is just the beginning of course. Additional physical touch, caresses and such are all suggested. Don't be quick to rush things or jump right into intercourse.

Remember, a slow simmered tenderloin is worth the effort and the wait.

Mutually successful sex is to.

It is unlikely such success will be achieved without any of such time and attention. The more of this, the more successful interactions should be.

Sex, like a meal was meant to be enjoyed, savored and satisfying.  So, save the popcorn for the movie and start the slow cooker.

Bon Apetit!